I’ve realized I’m a very atypical person: talking to coworkers in my age range today I realized they have a better financial situation than mine: they are married, some with children, own their own condos, houses, or are paying a mortgage, but can still live a normal life, own a car, some even have the luxury of not having to work 40 hours a week, but 32 because they don’t need to work more, house already paid, family and life objectives achieved.
Me: I’m 43, I don’t own but rent, meaning I pay for something I’m never going to own. The last 2 years I’ve been saving like crazy because I’m afraid of not having enough money for retirement, and because in my past I did so much stupid shit, meaning I wasted so many years not doing anything of use.
I have around 100K in the bank, I know I should invest but I’m also scared of losing that money and I don’t know if I should use that money as a down payment for a house.
My father owns 3 houses and I envy him. I’ve been thinking about asking him to sell one of the houses and give me the proceeds so I can buy my own place because some of my coworkers did that and could finance their own home. When my father went to study to another state my grandfather bought him a house there so he wouldn’t have to rent. When he moved back to home state he sold and invested the money to buy a new house there. He had way easier than me. It’s not fair. I feel… unloved?
I guess this makes me an entitled ass but I feel so… lost?
To summarize, I feel like a loser because I’m old, I’m behind most of my coworkers my age, I’m a very individualistic person but this means I’m going to die alone, but sometimes I feel alone and scared of being old and alone. I don’t own anything of value to my name, it’s like I’m an old teenager.
what i told you being an adult is an arbitrary and made up distinction and nobody ever actually grows up and literally every single person you have ever seen is to some degree faking it until they make it
Correct and anyone who feels otherwise is not to be trusted
Getting married and having kids really really sucks. This horrific world is going to ruin my children. I am not rich enough to protect them.
I am terrified. I should never have thought I could do this. The worst part is, I knew better.
Don’t do it. The rulers don’t deserve your children.
If you do get married, marry someone you trust with your very life itself, and don’t have kids.
Unless you are very rich and already own a lot of shit. Then do what you want.
I relate to this a lot.
Solidarity.
As someone with far less and fully satisfied, there is truly no standard. The idea of always wanting or needing more is something that is pushed upon us at a massive societal level. If you have the things you truly need, you can work towards things you want, and if you have the things you want, congrats. You’re there. It is an option to feel like you need more than what you have once your essentials are met. No one other than yourself actually cares if you’re ambitious and if you don’t get satisfaction from the ambition to pursue more, then don’t.
The difference between you an a teenager is 20something years of life experience. Don’t infantalise yourself
Daaamn, you have a hundred grand?
I’m almost 41 and you’re doing better than I am!
Yeah, im 41, i have a wife, a nice house, 2 cars, 4 kids, 3 dogs and quite a bit of debt. I wouldn’t trade any of that for the world, but i would love 100k in the bank…
Also 41. Also same.
You are doing better than most with 100k in the bank. I wouldn’t sweat it much.
For real. Most people live paycheck to paycheck, including people who make $100k+ a year. They just have bigger bills. Living within your means is one of the most essential adult skills there is. It’s also lacking in most adults.
I just want to second the comment here about a high yield savings account, or even a CD. They’re both low/no risk investments. If the money you have is just sitting there you might as well be getting interest on it and a high yield savings, or a CD, aren’t exposed to the market so you can only lose if the bank shuts down and the FDIC can’t reimburse you, but if that happens we all have much bigger issues to worry about lol
I’m in a much worse situation than you, also at 40, so I definitely feel your pain here. Single, renting a garage “apartment,” working a shitty dead end factory job, and no inheritance to ever expect to receive. I too don’t feel like a real adult, but a failure of a human. So you’re not alone there for sure.
If you have 100k saved in liquid cash, you definitely need to be investing that in broad scale index funds. Keeping it liquid means inflation is going to be eating away at your money over time, which is really not good. The whole market is pretty out of balance due to AI, but it’s better to get in now rather than trying to wait and see. You have time to recover from market crashes, just don’t panic sell if the market crashes.
If financial stuff isn’t your thing, you can also save for retirement in prefabbed vehicles called Target-Date Funds. These are kinda annoying as they have a decent amount of fees, but you basically set a retirement goal date, and they will automatically rebalance more and more conservatively over time. However, you are at a bit of a disadvantage if you start at 43. I’d recommend saving aggressively if you can afford to.
Renting vs buying is always a thing, and it highly depends where you live. Having money for a down payment is good, but I’d consider what 100k invested right now would do for you until you are 80 vs what a house would do for you instead. 40 years of interest could be better than a significant debt load, even with several market crashes.
Fwiw, if you don’t have a spouse or kids, I don’t really see much value in a house. Rent a cheap one bed and laugh all the way to the bank when a water pipe breaks and you don’t have to cover 75k in water damage.
What is an adult? It’s a culturally-defined concept which you don’t meet all the criteria for, and that’s why you feel this way. There are certain markers that you don’t possess. That’s OK. I’m in a pretty similar situation to you, and I also don’t feel “like an adult”. Embrace it. Look for similarly situated people that you can admire.
You are scared of the unknown. Get on the internets and download a mortgage/home ownership spreadsheet. Then you can see how much house/condo you can afford, and when you are ahead from renting.
I have spoken to many many elderly people that either act like petulant children or they say that inside they really don’t feel like they have a different mind than when they were children/late adolescents. The truth is you are projecting largely outdated social signifiers for adulthood onto yourself. It sounds like the real problem is that you are struggling financially and asking your parents for assistance feels infantilizing but its the exact sort of thing that gave them “adulthood” ™…
Sure, having kids and getting married can confirm you are an adult- but honestly, having children connected me more closely with my childhood and brought back memories from childhood I thought had disappeared. It also gave me more insight into my own parents, for better or worse. Does that make me more of an adult or more of a child? considering that when I was childless and dating people I was only concerned with other adults in my life and having fun with them- and now I am putting myself in my childrens shoes and my relationship to my parents is evolving in ways it hadn’t for decades? idk if you really wanted any advice, but I guess my advice would be to worry less about measuring your life and self worth against others, and worry more about your aspirations and your community.
Have kids and getting married doesn’t make you any more mature or your life fulfilling than not having them. Anyone can have kids as long as they are biologically able to. The question is are you willing to sacrifice your life to raise them and provide for them? It’s a life-long responsibility that has no return policy!
As for your investments, you should put that 100k from least to most conservative either in an S&P 500, target date fund, or HYSA. You’re literally losing money by just keeping it in the bank cause of inflation.
You have more than enough money to put a down payment on a mortgage for a house. Do it.
Don’t imagine that you should wait until you get married, get the house for yourself, because you’re right, it’s an important investment, and you’re just throwing your money away on rent. It’s surprising you haven’t bought a house yet.
Yes, you sound entitled. I was embarrassed that I had to borrow the down payment for my house from my dad, I never expected him to buy me a damn house, even though he could have just done so outright. I never felt “unloved”, quite the opposite. He raised me to stand on my own feet, and now that he’s gone, I’m grateful to him for doing so.
Having said all that, house prices are ridiculous right now, but are starting to crash in some markets, I’d wait no more than year to see what happens. Use that time to plan, instead of whining.
yes.
If you want a house, you have 100k in the bank and could put some of that down as a down payment. Idk where you live or what your housing market is like, but if you could find a smaller place for a reasonable price, you may pay less on a mortgage than on rent, and you’d be building equity.
When I bought my first house over a decade ago, I think it was under 100k, but wasn’t large. I don’t think I put anything down other than the earnest money. Because I wasn’t at 20% down, I did have to pay for PMI as part of my mortgage, but it was like $50 a month given the cost of our place. I’ve since moved and purchased two house since then, rolling the equity from the previous to the new one. My current mortgage payment is the first time I’m paying more monthly than when I was renting, but houses do have maintenance you have can’t offload on a landlord. I think it’s still significantly cheaper in the long run, but moreso the equity is the biggest upgrade.
For retirement, it’s definitely good to invest what you have saved, to a degree. You could talk to a financial planner to help you invest within your tolerance level. If you aren’t doing so already and it’s available through work, you should be maxing out your 401k match at the minimum. If you can spare it, it’s better to put more in you 401k than to keep it in savings thanks to compounding interest, and the taxes that aren’t taken. That annual max for 401k is I think more than 20k annually.
But with all of that, you need to live the life you want to, not the life that others are living. I love having a house and as long as I’m able to, I will never rent again, but I know people that don’t want the responsibility of home ownership, that have no desires to purchase. I don’t have kids because I don’t want them. My wife an I travel and do pretty much what we want when we want, within reason. Kids cost a lot and we have more money because of our choices, and are both very happy with our decision. Point being, you don’t have to live a “normal” life to have a fulfilling and successful life. If you are unsure on things like investing, find an expert to help out. If you want a house, you have the finances to do so. Don’t compare yourself to others in different situations as some barometer of success and adulthood.
