I’ve designated one room in my house to be an Airplane Mode room. Technically it has WiFi but whenever I’m in it I behave as if my phone didn’t have any reception. Believe it or not, actively pretending that your phone has no WiFi works better than just passively putting on airplane mode. I always get a sense of calmness when I enter.
What artificial limits do you impose on yourself that ultimately enrich your life?
Edit: changed title
No alcohol at home. 4 drinks a day max except once a month. I’m still an alcoholic and I don’t plan to quit drinking, but my therapist and I think I’ve got it under control after 3 years of these rules.
Setting limits like that is how I finally quit eating Percocet. First only 3 in the morning… At lunch, and again in the evening… Then 2 at lunch… Then 2 at lunch and evening… Then 2 across the board… And so on, until I was only taking 1 a day. Each step down was when I felt like it… Not necessarily on any schedule. Just when I thought I could do it. It wasn’t easy… Mind you. It was just do-able. For the record… This was down from like 3-5 at a time… Whenever I wanted them. I’m a decade sober and haven’t touched an opiate since. It took me a time to feel normal, but the only day that really sucked for a minute was the day I told myself I wasn’t going to take even my 1. Your liver will thank you. You will be proud of your accomplishment. It’s worth it.
So one AFD a month or one day unlimited?
One unlimited day. I already don’t drink most nights and I rarely ever use the unlimited day.
Usually in the form of asking questions:
- “Does this task take 5 minutes to do and do you have 5 minutes to spare?”
If the answer is yes, then just do it. It has helped me keep things tidy a bit better rather than spending a full day cleaning up everything. Now, if tasks get left, rather than a full day cleaning & tidying it’s only an hour or so.
My space being tidier has brought me some much needed stress relief.
- “Do you need this item right now? Can it wait until the end of the month when you get paid?”
Struggling with impulse purchases so this question has helped me stop spending as recklessly though I do relapse sometimes but nowhere near as bad as I was.
- “Got paid? Great! Have you money-potted your paycheck?”
Further aiding my financial responsibility efforts, every time I get paid I use my bank’s money-pot feature to portion it out to make sure rent, bills, phone, food, transport, subscriptions, activities, etc. are budgeted appropriately. The rest is stuffed into savings to resist the temptation to spend it.
- “What would a healthy and active person do?”
To lose weight and improve my fitness, everytime I want to get something unhealthy for lunch or dinner I ask “would someone who’s trying to lose weight eat that?” or “would a healthy person chose that fizzy drink or have water instead?”. On my way home from work I go to the gym and on the days when I don’t feel like it I ask “Would someone who’s active skip going to the gym? Sure they would if they’re feeling unwell and sick, are you feeling ill and sick? Ok you’re tired, but can you at least do 5 minutes on the treadmill?” because I don’t want to be breaking that habit that has been going really well for the last 8 months.
Honestly at the moment my life has been a bit of a rollercoaster so I’ve not been asking myself these questions and been slipping on the good habits recently, speaking of which…
- “Did you keep the habits up? No, that’s ok you stumbled a bit there. Now what small changes can you make to make the good ones easier to do and the bad ones harder to do?”
At the end of the day, I’ll take the path of least resistance so I’ve got to make sure that path is the one that will lead me to the outcomes I want. I’ll be having a think about these this weekend because I am determined to get back on track, so I’m going to sit myself down and work through it like a friend would.
Which leads me to the final question:
- “Would a friend talk/act that way to you?”
I struggle with self-confidence, self-esteem, and self-worth. Some days I really feel like I just have no value and the self-loathing is immense so when I get overly critical and verbally/physically beat myself up I try to hold onto a moment of calm and ask that question to myself. I don’t need to answer it because I know the answer and just need a moment to just breathe and chill to try and break the negative thought spiral.
Saved this comment. Thank you, this is a great way to reframe a lot of things I struggle with.
Thank you
These are excellent
After a long, unhealthy relationship, I ended up in a very promising relationship.
It took many years if half truths to her, and then full disclosures, and eventually, a full and total disclosure of my past, my desires, my weaknesses, the whole lot.
She barely flinched. She saw me for who I was / am.
From that moment we bonded deeper than I’ve ever thought possible.
Nobody could hijack us. Nothing could try to surprise us and derail / damage us. Shame was thrown out the window. There is none. We know everything. We meet as honestly as is possible each day.
Do it. I highly recommend it. However, there was a right time. If we’d done it too early, we wouldn’t have worked.
So with that backstory. Always telling the truth to my partner. No matter how scary it seems.
Truth, truth, truth.
Whenever there’s elections I wait for somebody to mention the result in conversation unprompted and find out that way, to stop myself from doom scrolling
Go outside for 3 miles a day minimum 6 days a week. Can be bike, walk, run, ski, hike, etc. I usually do quite a bit more but this has kept me in great shape and it really helps with my focus and productivity.
I brush my teeth whenever I come in from outdoors (even if that’s multiple times a day). That way, it’s doesn’t block me from going straight to bed once I start falling asleep in the evening.
You don’t eat at home?
I’ve swapped brushing before bed to brushing after coming in
For relationships: “Is what i’m about to say/do benifical to me, this person, or the relationship?”
If not, maybe it is me ego or hurt feelings, and so I should ignore it for now and if I feel the need to, I can later analyse it and decide again.
Also, never go hungry or emotional to the grocery store.
“Is it true, is it kind, is it necessary?” Shoot for two but make sure it’s at least one. And if you ever by chance come across a trifecta, don’t let it escape unsaid!
I also notice working in mental healthcare that a lot of my coworkers have realized some of the patients really do need “tough love” but they don’t realize that the Love part is critical. And it’s obviously not romantic love but also not even love in any personal sense. It’s love in the better version of the Bible sense where you should love your fellow human beings. When you say something that someone isn’t going to like hearing for their own good, you need to start with a practical statement of why you’re saying it out of love.
So I’ll say “I don’t just want to give you ice cream today; I want you to know how to ask other people when you leave here. I’m going to give you about fifteen minutes to go to your room and breathe, then you can come back and get in line and ask again.” While some of my coworkers will just say “no I’m not gonna let you talk to me like that” which isn’t wrong, but also isn’t actually tough love because they forgot the love.
One is from the YouTube channel “How to ADHD”: put things away, not just down. I was diagnosed in my early 40s and it shed some light on the source of a lot of problems in my life. Letting clutter accumulate has a huge effect on overall mental health.
The other one is a social media thing I picked up years ago that I soon realized applied to real life, as well: before posting/saying something, think about whether it benefits the audience to read/hear it. It really makes you introspect about the energy you’re putting out into the world. It also makes it almost second nature to realize whether someone else is on the whole adding to or subtracting from your life. I’ve met so many people who I’m convinced would never speak if they weren’t constantly seeking others’ validation or trying to gain something material for themselves, and it’s scary to think about how much worse off I’d be if I’d gotten close to them.
If you’re thinking about something that takes less than 2 minutes, you should just be doing it. I will admit I got this from one of those productivity guys
For reference, I’m now 43 years old.
Around 20 years ago, around age 23, I decided to keep my wallet in my right front pocket, 24/7, save for bathing and clothes changing. Yes I do sleep with my wallet in pocket, it never leaves my vicinity.
I keep my wallet where it can’t easily be stolen, right next to the family jewels ya know…
Wallet front right, phone left front, keys either left knee or left rear (if no cargo pockets), work keys around my neck on a lanyard. If they arent there I have lost them and they must be found immediately.
Professionally, never bitch down or laterally. If you’re going to bitch up, do so in private.
…I think that was from some war movie… Saving Private Ryan? But fuck if it isn’t solid advice!
no problem solving in bed when you should be resting. if something pops up, identify it & make a note (mental or otherwise) to address it at a later time.
Stop responding to text messages a much as possible after 9pm. Really helped my sleep and staying sane.
Guess more of a reminder than a rule but: “ambiguous behaviour is not aggressive behaviour”.
While I’m waiting for my food to microwave, I will do the dishes. I only do them for as long as my food is microwaving, so they don’t all get done, but most of them get done in this time.
Ok this one is good
