Yup. It’s part and parcel of my autism.
i was going to say this.
are you me? lol
You can’t prove I’m not
dang! got me/you there. i didn’t know i/you was that smart. lol
Part of me is convinced this a joke for one guy, switching between two accounts, just laughing to himself. Like it’s some kind of inside joke. And by “inside” I mean “inside his own head”.
With a 3rd alt for misdirection and a 4th alt for plausible deniability.
i wonder the same thing myself. lol
There must be loads and loads of autism types. I see comments like this on Lemmy across the board. When I think of autism I think of truly slow autistic people. Can you explain deeper? I’ve looked online but there’s a lot of wildly conflicting information.
Sure. This guy was extraordinarily helpful for me.
I’m wired wrong for most social interactions. It’s a serious problem, and my attempts to overcome it generally make it much worse. But “accepting myself” means accepting unemployment, and then how can I pay rent? (Currently unemployed and living with family).
However, I don’t think people’s social behavior is all BS. I try not to be resentful. I know there’s lots of BS, but I also know that’s what becomes most obvious to me, so it’s partly a matter of perception.
Mind elaborating on how you’re wired wrong? Genuinely curious to see which, if any, traits we share.
Sure. There are layers to it. If I socially interact for a few hours then I’ll become exhausted, probably cranky. A psychiatrist said I have ADHD, and the sensory input of multiple persons being around is too much. Social environments tend to be overwhelming. A psychologist said I have avoidant personality disorder, but I’m not sure I agree since my problem isn’t based on fear, the fear is downstream to basic social inabilities. But the fear does cause its own problems.
I also have a social phobia. I don’t think it’s genetic, since I didn’t have it as a kid. But my teenage years (11-18) were severely isolated, and full of humiliation and severe loneliness. I just never recovered from that. I spent my 20s trying to learn, forcing myself into all these social environments, but it was mostly just a torturous cycle of collapse.
I over-rely on my sense of humor, and this often causes problems. Most of the time it works really well (people like to laugh, and they appreciate a good joke), so I can make a very good first impression. But when it comes to “actual” social interaction, I simply have no idea what to say, like ever. I can negotiate well on other people’s behalf, and I’m good at explaining things, but in open-ended social situations I tend to be weirdly quiet or else I say horribly wrong things without realizing it. I’ve experienced multiple instances of people doing prolonged campaigns of social warfare against me because I accidentally insulted them, and they recognize my vulnerabilities. I’m terrible at reading non-verbal communication (this isn’t just a product of social anxiety or phobia… my brain just doesn’t pick up on these things, doesn’t know what to do with them). So basically I’m not a social creature. Some people actually have thought that I was mentally handicapped (or experiencing cognitive decline, or that I’m “on drugs”) because I just don’t respond like an intelligent person. But then I’ll go to “therapy” (what a disgusting joke) and they’ll see how well I can explain myself, and they’ll declare me to be fine. Clearly no problems with “communication” (but socializing isn’t just explaining things to a person).
I could go on and on, but that paints a picture.
Thank you! :)
You probably did not say horribly wrong things, those people are likely just assholes.
The power-hungry ones that start campaigns of social warfare, yes. But they’re also very socially powerful and are able to dictate social outcomes and perceptions. Often they’re jealous that people like me, or that I’m performing very well at a job, and they see my social ineptness as an opportunity and a fun way to publicly demonstrate their superiority in some other arena. To them socializing is warfare. And it’s not enough to just call them assholes, because I’ve lost many friends, and it has severely limited my job prospects. I need a response that benefits me more. But I also can’t just keep throwing myself into that thresher. I’m still trying to think of the right approach. Because I’m ambitious and intelligent enough to want more than unemployment and isolation.
The important thing is to not give up, and it’s important to bear in mind that at least in my experience other than being social manipulators they’re quite uninspiring in many respects. That is also why they don’t like people who don’t fit - they are, by nature, disruptive to that state of affairs.
I think if you keep working the problem you will come to a good conclusion.
I need more than to just keep working the problem. I’m middle aged and living with family again, I’ve always been poor even though I excel at all my jobs and I have a degree. And there’s no such thing as a “conclusion,” except death, so what I’m working at is stable ongoing engagement in an arena where I can maintain that engagement. Still trying to think what that can look like. Thanks for the encouragement.
I have reached something of a conclusion there myself - we haven’t done anything wrong. It’s systemic, “they” never had any intention of allowing us to work our way to a good life. It was always going to be just enough to keep you alive and most importantly hungry. There are more people in this situation than we think.
I graduated high school in 2005, one out of some 300 of my graduating class. Had plenty of friends. Went to community college, several folks I knew from school went to the same community college, met plenty of new folks. Had plenty of friends. Transferred to university, had plenty of friends, got to know my roommates pretty close, that kind of thing.
Out of college, I disappeared into what I thought was going to be my career for a few years. When I came back up and looked around, I found myself in a different world with people that aren’t people anymore, there are walking talking eating shitting cell phone stands.
I don’t try to socialize for the same reason I don’t go hunting for Carolina parakeets: Interpersonal relationships aren’t a thing that exists in the world anymore. We killed them all and the corpse of the last one is on display behind glass at the Raleigh museum of Natural Sciences.
Walking talking eating shitting cell phone holders is pretty funny, and accurate
“… stands”, man, I wish my lack of social skills translated to a Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure like superpower.
yes, but i am also becoming more tolerant of personal quirks as i’ve learned of my autism and how it impacts my socializing. i worry nobody likes me and tend to avoid conversation. i want friends. i have some, but more would be nice. something genuine and deep but equally as stupid and silly and shallow.
social batterysocial spicy pillow
I wonder if “human BS” is just the frustration that real human communication is less convenient and demands more attention than the other forms of communication we’ve gotten used to.
I think that applies prior to texting, social media, video calls too though. Except back then, I could avoid people by either not giving them my number or saying I wasn’t home when they called.
Now you’re expected to have your phone on you at all times, then little Jimmy from elementary school finds you on social media and wants to know if you’re interested in essential oils.
Email also requires a lot of “human BS” to avoid conveying an unintended tone without being able to directly address it.
It’s impossible for me. I always turn into the personal therapist. I see too much. And I can’t help it. Just ended a friendship over this because it was exhausting to maintain.
Cursed with empathy
I have something like your problem. I try to be really patient and caring, but it’s gotten to the point where I have a reputation among my friends and family for it. Now I have more people to support than I can handle emotionally. My battery isn’t dead, but now it’s like blowing a breaker if the draw on any given day is too much.
Caregiver burnout is a thing. Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.
Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm
Really like this. Is that from somewhere?
It sure is, but I have no idea from where. Picked it up online long ago.
My social battery is dead and been incinerated.
Social media. You use it up spending time on Reddit and Lemmy etc.
Nah, it’s easy to block and or not engage in toxicity on social media if you choose so
That really does not matter. Spend some time camping with no phones and notice how differently you feel and behave. Humans did not evolve to have smartphones and social media, it triggers numerous emotional responses without actually satisfying them, by its inherent nature.
When I burned out of the corporate world, I went back to school for horticulture and became a gardener. Nature bathing/green therapy is very real and I agree very important for people to do regularly to ground themselves in this chaotic world.
To be fair many people out there are just becoming more horrible and its not worth your effort ;)
kicks you in the balls
Yes.
Want to be friends, but then never talk? Like ever?
Sounds like my kind of friendship. I’m in!
…
Nah, I’m just shy. Especially with women. I don’t feel I have much to offer anyone.
