Might sound silly, but every once in a while, random guys around me (pretty short, female) start humming/making random noises when they get near me, usually when I’m alone. Imagine me standing at a red traffic light at night or something. It’s never women. Sometimes, it’s some creep trying to get my attention, though that’s usually kinda obvious.
But I also had it happen with guys who didn’t seem like they wanted anything. I lowkey suspect that some might make noises so that I’m not caught off guard or something?
Any men on here who do this? Or am I just tripping?
Edit to summarize: So, a few guys apparently do it on purpose, while others think they might do it subconsciously. Some do it around women, others around whomever, since anyone can get scared. Super interesting.
Also, when I spoke of creeps, I meant actual assholes who did and said shitty stuff, not random socially awkward people. You know the drill.
I often “accidentally” drag my feet a little bit to make my footsteps are a little bit more audible.
I’m usually a very quiet walker, so I just want to make sure my presence is known, as opposed to startling people.
Not humming, but I do make noise intentionally. I’m a big guy and understand that I could be threatening to women in the wrong circumstance. I also walk fairly quietly just as a matter of the way I walk; so, I’ve scared folks on more than one occasion by “sneaking” up on them unintentionally. So, if I think I am doing that, I’ll land a few footfalls hard and flat to make my foot slap the ground and alert the person of my presence before I get too close. I also try to give space to strangers while walking. Things like moving to the other side of the sidewalk/street, slowing down or speeding up to pass. Basically, trying to not look like I’m stalking them.
I took a different approach, I put my keys on a carabiner so I jingle when I walk. It makes it really hard to accidentally startle people.
Also prevents you from eating birds. Or so the cats tell me.
I don’t think a cassowary has anything to fear from a house cat. Even a cuddly one. Most I’ve met are ornery as heck though.
Hahaha…true, and not too many big cats wear collars with bells when running around. Coming from a baked-goods-kitten, I totally trust you!
I’ll clear my throat, jingle my keys, make louder footsteps to make my presence known, especially at night or when turning a corner. It’s not just for women, but for any person or animal to not be startled.
I think it’s a combination of courtesy, habit from having worked in a restaurant kitchen, and camping in bear country.
If I could see any practice from my time working food service make it into the general population, it would be “Behind” and “Heard”.
Yes, the fear is typically that we don’t want to be accused of following you, sneaking up on you, or being creepy, so there is usually some noise or overt thing we do to try to imply we are just minding our own business.
Sometimes to avoid the situation all together, (let’s say I am walking home at night and I see some woman walking the same direction ahead of me, and I know I am going to end up passing her because my pace is faster), then we will literally cross the street just so that we don’t have to be put in the awkward situation of walking up to and past you at 3 am on a public sidewalk.
There are other things beyond this as well that men do or avoid doing which women might not realize. Most men in my experience are really careful to never be left alone with children for example. No one blinks an eye if a woman is, but men have learned to avoid potential false accusations in this way as well.
A lot of men are fearful to do something as simple as taking their kids to the park because of this. You can search for articles in which fathers who take their own kids to the park have been accused of being pedophiles just for sitting on a bench while their children play, or accused of kidnapping just because they are an adult man with a child in public. You won’t find any articles about this happening with a woman.
This is a fear my therapist and I have talked about. I didn’t understand why children made me uncomfortable to be around. We discovered that it wasn’t about the kid, nor their age, but the perception. And I think some kids pick up on that anxiety.
Yes.
I started doing that when I was walking back to my dorm in college. It was winter, night fell early, and I didn’t notice someone 10’ ahead of me heading the same way. They got freaked out by the guy following them.
It turned out to be someone who also lived in my dorm, so I “followed” them most of the way home before I realized the issue and called out to them.
We ended up talking for a bit, and I said I’m sorry for scaring them, but the biggest issue was I seemed to come out of nowhere, so when they freaked out they thought I was some creep like, waiting to jump someone.
So yeah, I make noise, for others comfort. I don’t even think about it anymore, it’s just automatic.
The person I followed wasn’t even a woman, he just thought I was gonna mug him, but if I can freak out a 6’2" guy I could freak out anyone by accident.
Different people have different ways of trying to appear non-threatening. If I am ever behind a woman, I just start running behind them in a friendly chase fashion just to break the ice and make them realize that I am just a goofy harmless guy. Usually, they play along and run as well.
Oh, I know that game, very appreciated! When I get too excited, I might use pepper spray or a kick between the legs. It makes things fun!
Oh, she must hear the train coming
If I’m in an elevator alone with a woman or something I will usually just give a friendly nod and adopt a very relaxed posture, like leaning against the wall. The youtuber Contrapoints talked about this exact scenario in one of her videos (a black man whistling in the elevator so she wouldn’t feel scared) and it made me more aware of it.
Might look her up, thanks!
I go for walks for exercise. Sometimes I encounter lone women in the woods etc and I’ll try and take another route to avoid walking behind them. I feel like announcing by whistling etc would just make things worse. It annoys me that we have to think about these things tbh. I’m gay for fucks sakes, ive got zero interest in women. Im just out and about minding my own damn business.
Lol, I’m not into men and I very much wish that would exempt me from the harassment. The assholes in this world ruin it for the rest of us.
I’ll ‘walk heavy’ in stores or stairwells whenever there is a blind corner
I personally do this, especially now that I live in a rural area and enjoy taking night walks. If I encounter someone, but particularly a woman, I make some noise and slowly move away so they’re not caught off guard if they see me around doing my own stuff. In the city, I also move to the other side of the road and walk faster to give people space. Part of this behavior is influenced by my OCD and ADHD.
Kind of the same reason you make noise while hiking in an area with bears. I’m never looking for an interaction so I make some one-off noises to let the other party know I’m there and I’m letting them decide how they want to handle that info.
One time I was out walking someplace and a woman was walking about 20 feet in front of me. I just took out my phone and called my wife and rather loudly announced where I was walking to, asked her about her day etc. The woman visible seemed to relax.
You probably know that, but this is exactly the thing that a lot of women and girls do, just reversed. Calling a friend or pretending to be on the phone when in a dark alley. I think the first time I did that was at 14 or something.
Nice one!
Yeah, I’ve got a lot of sisters.
I’ve done similar things. I’ll clear my throat or something if it seems like someone hasn’t noticed my presence.
I try to do something to make my presence known because the number of times I’ve frightened a woman by, from her perspective, appearing out of nowhere, is quite high. I’m a pretty quiet walker too.
I also make extra space on the sidewalk or I’ll cross the street at night when I’m overtaking less than 3-4 in a group.
