I was running for my train. After entering in the station airlock, for a reason i still can’t explain, i turned right instead of continuing straight ahead and BAM, i hit a glass with my face. Now i have a little scar, fortunately hidden behind my eyebrow.
I had a very sturdy, energetic dog who loved chasing a thrown ball. He was tied to a long rope (about 100 feet). I did not pay attention to where the rope was and threw the ball and he exploded from my side and flew like a rocket after the ball. The rope, unfortunately, was tied to a tree in the direction I was throwing but was curled behind me. I was wearing shorts and as the rope started to be pulled away, it pulled up against both of my calves and abraded all of the skin from the backs of my legs away in a moment, and then the rope was pulled taught, deftly swiping both of my legs out from underneath me, dropping me backwards onto my head on a stone patio, splitting my scalp and spraying blood all over my white canvas outdoor furniture. The dog looked very proud for catching the ball when he loped up to me afterwards.
Cooking. Took a tray out of the oven and put in on the top. Turned to grab a spatula and caught the edge of the tray with the loose end of the oven glove.
As it slid off the top my dumb ass quickly grabbed for it with my ungloved hand, missed, and just pressed the searing hot tray into my stomach and thighs.
Two pies on the floor, that while I was whimpering in the cold shower upstairs, the dog ate.
I was making whipped cream with an electric hand mixer while talking to someone at the same time. While talking and looking at them, I wanted to turn off the machine, but as I didn’t look at it, I put my hands right into the whisk instead of the switch I was trying to reach. Out of pain and shock, instead of turning it off with the other hand, I moved the switch in the wrong direction to its maximum and broke my finger.
Broke my wrist by blocking a gigantic remote control car flying directly at me at 50 MPH and I was the person controlling it.
Partially tore three quadriceps muscles and two calf muscles break dancing at an arcade bar when I was black out drunk. Just didn’t know when to quit until it was too late. Both my primary doctor and the person who did the MRI thought it was hilarious. To be fair, it was.
I was stuck at home for several weeks after a back injury. I was on Vicodin and could barely get out of bed, no tv. So I started beating it. Well, with Vicodin, it makes it very difficult to finish and I lost track of time. By the time I had finished, I realized I’ve been at it for 5 hours. My dick hurt for 4 days afterwards, and the Vicodin didn’t really help with that pain.
😆
Motorcycle training course had a section where you drive fast and when they drop their hand/blow a whistle you emergency brake. Then they check stopping distance. My old bike was front drum brake, the course bikes were modern with front disc. I clamped the front brake too hard and supermanned over the handle bars and broke my wrist. I did the rest of course (4hours) with a broken wrist because ending early would mean signing back up on the waiting list. At the end of day you sign your licensed. I could barely write.
Still better to learn that on the examination course than on the road.
Yes, I was very aware of brake modulation after that. Rode in snow and ice over the years, where careful braking was important.
I was going to carry a 5 gallon jug of water on my bicycle. I was just going to let the bicycle handle the weight by balancing it on the top tube between my legs, as I had already done a number of times before.
But this time, as I lifted the jug to place it on the top tube, it came down just a little too far back and totally smashed my left testicle!
“Five gallons of water weighs approximately 41.65 pounds (or about 18.9 kilograms) at room temperature. This is based on the weight of one gallon being around 8.33 pounds.” - DuckAssist
OUCH!!!
For the next few months, my left nut was misshaped, thank goodness it didn’t outright rupture!
You are supposed to wash your nuts with water, not squash your nuts.
Many ways. in order from first to last the ones that I remember and qualify as stupid are:
When I was very young i put a toy into a coal fire, regretted my decision and tried to retrieve the molten plastic.
I tried to carry a pan of boiling chickpeas over my shoulder and ended up spilling it down my back
I tried cycling down a steep hill while holding an ice-cream and hurt my nuts on the stem of the handlebars when I had to stop.
Went down a steep hill on a scooter and stopped on my head (this one required stitches).
Worked on a boat without a helmet and got slapped in the side of the head with a crane hook.
Tried jumping over a Wheely bin while rat-arsed and face planted on the pavement.
There are plenty more accidents that were just shitty luck, but these are the avoidable ones.
Edit: I also managed to slice open my finger with a kitchen knife while removing the seed from a mango.
So this is half on me, and half on my father. (I inherited my “stupid idea” gene.
When I was 16 my dad was building a greenhouse on our small acreage. Frame was up, everything was ready and it became time to lay down the heavy clear plastic sheeting that would form the surface.
As he was up in the top nailing down each corner, it was my job to hold each corner down as tight as I could from the ground by using a rope attached to the corner of the sheet. (I don’t know if i’m describing this properly).
Any way, my father’s fault in the story is this: The only “rope” we could find was baler twine. It’s thin, coarse, and can easily slice like a saw. We secured a long piece of it to the corner of the sheeting and my job was to basically “tug of war” the corner in order to keep it taut for my father to secure.
Anyone raised in the country already sees exactly where I’m going with this…
MY stupid part in this story is this…
In an attempt to get a better purchase on the baler twine, I wrapped it a few times around my hand, through my fingers, etc…
Did I mention it was a bit windy that day? So a guest of wind took the corner and ripped it out of my hands, with the twine literally zipping through my fingers, slicing them nearly to the bone because friction + baler twine = weirdly effective saw.
Four fingers on my right hand were left with ring scars from where the twine zipped through them and my right hand was out of action for about a week
Got a concussion in a pillow fight. I was in the top bunk in a lean-to at summer camp when I was maybe 13 or 14. Forgetting the low ceiling above me, I jumped to my feet, planning on launching a pillow at someone poking around another bed. Promptly slammed my head into the ceiling, knocked myself out and wound up going to the doctor shortly after. Pretty sure I still have a disc somewhere with images of the small minor brain bleeding I got as a result.
I poured boiling noodle water over my foot, had a big blister there and couldn’t walk in shoes for weeks. It’s almost a year now but the skin is still itchy sometimes.
As a bored kid waiting for my turn on the family computer in the basement, while waiting for my older brother to finish, I once stapled a finger. Don’t remember which, but it was just really dumb.
Broke first bone as an adult playing Pokémon Go on release night
Threading the needle between a bus and a parked car on my bike at night. The car door opened right after the bus cleared.
