Ten minutes ago, I was watching the moon while listening to music. Specifically, “My Castle Town” by Toby Fox. And I just started crying. Tears of joy. I realized just how much I enjoy living. The pretty view of The Moon, the beautiful melody…
I never had any bad things happen to me. I love my parents because they are loving and kind, no trauma whatsoever, had depression once but I sent it away shortly. Lots of hospital visits though. But nothing serious. No girlfriends, no love pains etc.
I have basically nothing in my hands right now. But I’m always able craft new hobbies when I run out of them. By the mere power of imagination. In fact, I’m looking to learn French now because English was easy as fuck.
But while I enjoy life very much, I realize that I begin to distance myself from those that do not think the same. For instance, one of my friends never takes any joy from anything that he does. Say; complains about not having a girlfriend, being ugly etc. etc. He’s the most handsome person I’ve ever seen in person. And girls just straight up lust over him. Yet, he insists on focussing on the negative. Which makes zero sense to me. Why is he ruining his own life by refusing to see the good?
Now I do realize that most people are not as lucky as me to be with absolutely no problems in their lives. However, I had the “basic” set of problems that men my age have. Those being:
- Like a girl but she rudely refuses you (or even insults)
- Argue with parents
And my “friends” are always so offended by these problems all they do is complaining about them non-stop. One even tried to kill himself over a girl. I genuinely can’t warp my head around this. Why? When I encountered these things I never cared or at worst deluded my way out.
Why can’t people just sit down and appreciate life? When I’m sitting down waiting for something, the mere ability to move my limbs seems fascinating to me. I get out of so many things.
Don’t get me wrong I don’t mean any of this as seeing myself above others. (Although I do have a massive ego.)
Meanwhile, I will watch the Moon.
Although I do have a massive ego.
No shit
It’s great you are so happy in life, and long may it last! My advice to you would be: learn to really listen to others. Find out about them, and how they experience the world.
I’m trapped in settler-hell, constantly profiled any time I leave the house, and am expected to be polite and cordial at all times to said settlers who pull this shit. Then I come online and have to deal with even more settler horseshit from people who’re supposed to be my ‘comrades’. Or at least, people who want me to see them that way when there is nothing shown nor proven regarding their works.
And there’s always going to be that constant lurking worry in the back of my head that if I leave my home solo dolo, I might never come home if a settler pig decides he doesn’t like the look of the phone in my hand, the cane keeping me balanced, or just the texture of my hair.
I genuinely despise this life. I don’t know how to love the crucible the god that made me put me in. Even the fleeting moments of beauty carve another piece out of my heart because I have to remember it won’t last, and as soon as that moment is over, the metaphorical, spirit-withering flames of the settler-hell in which I live will engulf me once again. I can’t tell if it’s meant to purge my impurities, or if it’s just meant to render me useless slag anymore.
If you want everyone to navigate a ninja warrior obstacle course to interact with you, don’t be surprised if not many make it through to you.
I get it. I don’t wanna fucking deal with people after dealing with capitalism all day myself.
If you’d legitimately like to understand, you should research things like clinical depression and anxiety disorders. Not everyone has a “normal” brain chemistry. If you genuinely want to understand, try to step outside of your perspective when doing so and try to put yourself in the shoes of someone afflicted with any of these conditions as you look into them.
These disorders can literally prevent someone from seeing many, if not all positive aspects in their life. Everything is quickly or immediately painted in a troubling or worrisome manner. It’s a fucking hellscape to trudge through on a day to day basis and there’s no magical fix for any of it. There are things that can help mitigate and cope but there’s nothing that purely removes these afflictions. A big one is empathy from people who care about that person and genuinely want them to know they do care about how that person feels.
Asking someone with one of these afflictions why they can’t “just be happy” is not unlike asking a quadriplegic why they can’t go for a swim.
I know I didn’t wish to go through every day hating the world, myself, and feeling anxious about every unknown. I want to feel free to feel unabashedly comfortable in my own skin and enjoy every moment of my waking life, but my brain is literally not wired to be able to do that with any reliable consistency. The best I, and many others, can do is just try to temper and negate those invasive thoughts and emotions as best we can when we can. How often that can happen is dependent on several factors and is not the same for everyone. I may be able to cope with X when someone else can’t, and not be able cope with Y while another person can.
Your friends may very well be going through similar things, and I know you didn’t say you do, but if you are confronting them with your lack of understanding and questions like “why can’t you just be happy/enjoy life?” you could be amplifying their pain and further alienating them when they likely already wake up feeling that way without any outside provocation.
i don’t enjoy constantly suffering, maybe the constantly suffering has something to do with it.
the fleeting good does not make up for the deluge of bad
From my personal experience, I attempted to end my life twice but couldn’t go through with it. Somehow, I managed to break free from that dark cycle, and now I’m happy and kicking. I believe that if people struggling with similar thoughts can find the strength to wait patiently, they might eventually break out of that loop too.
I’ve also noticed that individuals with goals or ambitions often seem less affected by depression. Some people are naturally more emotional than others, and many of the challenges people face today aren’t as difficult as they might seem at the time.
it’s a very lovely and special dark moon tonight; the second new moon in the month! when it happens with the full moon it’s a blue moon. happy you got a clear view!
While getting aboard the world’s slowest elevator, one that will take you 80+ floors above you, how do you react to smelling the nastiest fart possible as you cross the threshold?
Does it even matter?
No it doesn’t.
You’re on this elevator, and it won’t stop until you’re the reason it stinks so bad.
Rent is due in 31 days
Now playing the album Marquee Moon by Television
Most people just do not think entirely rationally. Take anything that most people believe - obviously religion, but also their favorite sports team, car brand, dare I say linux distro - it’s probably irrational on some level. Instead people believe what they want to believe.
But why would someone want to see their own life as miserable? Perhaps part of it is who we want to be. Most people want to see themselves as having overcome some sort of adversity to earn whatever they have in life, and that creates a bias to see one’s own life as unlucky and miserable. I definitely went through a phase of seeing my life this way as a kid. Now I try, when I remember, to focus on what’s been lucky and not adverse in my life. And there’s definitely plenty in that regard.
Most people want to see themselves as having overcome some sort of adversity to earn whatever they have in life, and that creates a bias to see one’s own life as unlucky and miserable. I definitely went through a phase of seeing my life this way as a kid.
This is your own bias speaking, you assume most people are just like you and that your own personal experience is universal.