When they can hold their own food in fork it will be easier. When they can use the restroom and clean themselves it will be easier. When they can help you clean the house it will be easier.

They’re going to introduce all new emotional strain to your life eventually, but they get remarkably easier as they become more competent. Part of your job is to make them competent at things.

I’m a dad to an 11-year-old, a 9-year-old, a 6-year-old, and a 4-year-old. I wouldn’t call myself an expert, but I have felt all the ways you’re feeling now and so I do have some thoughts.

First of all, yes, it does get easier. You’re at or near the absolute hardest part of having a young child. For my kids, I won’t sugarcoat it, the hardest part was when they were three (we called it “threenagers”), so you may have another year or two yet to go (though if you look at our age span, you’ll see that we always had another baby right around that time, too, right up until the last one who was the easiest, so take that as you will). But after that phase, I will honestly say that my kids have become four of my best friends. It’s a weird friendship, but it is a very rewarding one.

Second, there are different kinds of hard. You mentioned the rut, the exhaustion, the amplification of existing depression and anxiety, and the feeling like you aren’t strong enough to do a good job; that’s a great summary of the four different ways it gets hard. Not all of them get easier all at once, but they do all get easier. Kids grow up. That’s both a blessing and a curse.

Third, part of the way it gets easier is that you just learn better ways to deal with the stuff that’s hard. I needed a routine so that my days didn’t become a rut, and I needed to journal (my form of journaling is heavy on photography right now) so that I could see all the ways I was actually doing a good job. It sounds like you’re already medicated and in therapy (it took me four times as long in parenting to get to that point, good on you). I will be honest, I still haven’t really found a good way to get enough sleep. But I have it on pretty good authority that teenagers sleep a lot, so I’m hopeful that it’ll sort itself out soon.

Overall…well, I’ll put it like this: Last year, my oldest beat me at chess, 100% legit, for the first time. My 9-year-old is maybe the most thoughtful and empathetic person I’ve ever known. My 6-year-old just learned how to read (a bit late), I think mostly so he can play Pokemon for the first time. My 4-year-old is just so excited about everything and anything. They’re making friends and having a life outside of me, they’re helping out around the house, and they’re coming together as siblings.

Being able to write a paragraph like that is what makes it worth it, and what really makes it easier in the long run. Sometimes the greatest accomplishment is just keeping them alive for twenty-four hours (and I don’t just mean right at the beginning), but eventually you get new and different problems and they start helping with the solutions.

At the end of the day, you obviously care a lot, and that’s the #1 clearest characteristic of a successful parent. So it sounds to me like you’re on the right track.

Yes. Two & three year olds are blisteringly cute, but take so much attention, you are right.

Around 7 is the age of reason, so that’s when it really eases, you can explain more and control less, and teenagers can be legit helpful. But even 3 years old is easier than 2 because they can speak better, so are not so frustrated.

I remember with my first, she was truly a terrible toddler, just so much will and energy, had tantrums. On more than one occasion I had to remove her from a store or other public place. Put her in gymnastics and all that energy got focused on sports, was a good thing eventually.

I had 4 and married into 5 more - one day you will be thinking it all went by so fast, it’s crazy. Hang on, you will make it. I won’t say it gets easy soon, but less exhausting soon. Do you have a partner? Can one of you do more of the morning work and the other the evening shift?

My daughter is 20 and in college now but I was a single dad and spent many days like you where parenting took every minute I had.

It absolutely gets easier. You’re In the phase where they’re mobile, can’t do anything for themselves, yet somehow, if you look away for 3 seconds they will burn the house down.

They start taking care of themselves more and rmore, requiring less constant watching until one day you wake up and they’re 20 and in college

Somewhat easier, yeah. I’ve got a 4yo girl now, and she has become very responsible. I still have to do a lot of work getting her to TK and stuff, but I have a lot more time and don’t have to fully keep an eye on her because she knows to ask permission.

However, your mileage may vary. My 2yo is more like your 2yo and I’m not certain he’ll be a responsible 4yo in two years. He’s getting spoiled by his big sis, too.

But I’m not back to being like my childfree self yet, and that’s a tough bar. I used to get to sleep until noon cause of my job; not so much now…

Parent of 4 and 6 year olds here–short answer, yes. Specifically, around age 4 is when you get better sleep and your kid doesn’t require quite as much supervision. There are challenges at every stage, but 0-5 is the hardest in my opinion. It’s okay to put some things on hold and lower your expectations for that time.

Once they go to school, you will feel like you finally get some free time back and now you’ve learned to appreciate free time like never before.

yes when they move out

1. The “terrible twos” are called that for a reason.

2. You wrote “patenting” in the title instead of “parenting”. You might want to fix that!

TL/dr: Self care is important. Ask for and accept help. It’s hard but you will get through it, we’ve all been there to some degree even if we don’t admit it. Self care is important There are some great times, enjoy them. They’re only young once. And finally, self care is important.

I wouldn’t say it gets better, but it does get different as they grow. I was told it gets easier when they get past 35 (years).

You seem to be stuck in that day to day routine where you’re feeling spread too thin with no end in sight. We’ve all been there and you just have to dig in and survive it. This isn’t meant to make you feel worse, rather, that you’re not alone. You have a chance to show your boy a whole world of things and every day is a new experience so while you’re knackered, treasure the moments you can, they’re precious. My kids still talk about a bedtime story that I acted out one night, it was 15 years ago. It’s all worth the effort.

Now, you can’t do your job if you’re burnt out. You deserve and need some you time to recharge your batteries. Maybe you can even get some hours off work to help. Go for a walk, go to the gym, ride a bike, whatever you can do in a stolen hour for a break. Yes it sounds like another thing to add to your todo list… It is, but you need to be you to help him grow. Self care is more important than you would believe.

That you accept you have depression is a big step. It took me years to get there. Honestly, well done. Asking for help from organizations, employers, colleagues, friends, family or even internet strangers is not admitting defeat, it’s getting a power-up. It’s not easy, but it helps.

Weekdays are hard, plan for the weekends. We often took our kids for a walk in the woods when they were young. We’d come home cold, dirty and tired, but we’d collect things, climb trees, talk to friendly dogs, we’d just live a bit and connect with life and things that matter. In a few years you’ll turn into a source of money and transport.

Finally, having kids is a big life change, it’s ok to miss your previous life. It’s not necessarily gone for good, just paused if you want it to be. Its even ok to not like your kids sometimes… All kids are arseholes when they want to be. These things will pass, you will endure. If you have the choice between laughing or crying, try laughing first, but a good quiet sob can also help if you need one. You can do this.

It gets way better. And worse. Just different. You’re doing awesome!

Take as many photos and videos as you can, you will miss the silly things they say and do when they’re small, and you’re kinda sleep deprived so you forget stuff… They’ll also love watching younger versions of themselves saying and doing crazy things when they’re older. And yeah, it gets easier every year generally - depends on the kid though, we’re all different 🙂

Easier yes, but different. Every month (or few months as they get older) things change and it’s a new kind of challenge. So the problems you have now will end and you’ll have new things to tackle.

Protip: get involved with other young parents. The kids will get social time and tire themselves out, and you get to split parenting with others and it’s less effort. It takes a tribe to raise a child

Also have depression, can understand.

No at some point if they’re shitty kids like me they’ll blame you for everything. I’m sorry about your depression.