Tldr at the bottom.
No real names, sorry. I (28M) am a department lead at my job, Jane (25F) is also in a similar position in another department. John (~23M) is in my department working under me. I am his direct supervisor. I am on good terms with John.
A few weeks ago, Jane has been reaching out to me for casual conversation unprompted and will come get me for any work related cross department needs no matter how minor. I can clearly tell she is interested in me as nobody is that persistent with casual conversation or finding ways to interact if they weren’t. She has told me I am her favorite person to work with even though I barely know her.
Jane is cute and also hilarious, I wouldn’t mind dating her and have considered it if we end up being a good match. So far so good anyway.
Bring in my coworker John. John is an interesting character. Funny guy, good heart, openly a furry, Bisexual leans gay, and rascal like personality. John also has depression and sees a therapist. He openly hates his job even to his own coworkers dissatisfaction. We don’t deal with the best of work, but it still gets old hearing it for everyone. John is also easily distracted to the point of causing issues with his work performance.
I like john, he stresses me out at times but I try to be patient as I know he lives a rough life. He will confide in me often about his issues. Most recently he had a episode to where he got so distracted his partner was doing all the work and the partner snapped at him. I had to talk to both of them, one about his yelling even if justified and John with his lack of focus.
My discussion with John turned out alright, he hates his job and wants to leave but appreciates me. The only reason he stays he tells me is because of his interest in Jane. He has apparently asked her out before and she said she would. Don’t think they have yet. They are friends to my knowledge.
Obviously, I don’t want to touch this problem with a 10 ft pole from a job perspective. I like Jane and I am damn well certain she likes me as well from how she interacts with me and I believe that will interfere with John’s life even if I do nothing. John is a good guy that is teetering on the edge of mental stability and I have no desire to not only break his trust in his mind by going to “steal his girl” after he told me about his desire for her, but also push him over the edge.
I don’t think she is giving up either. So what should I do?
Tldr: cowork likes me, I like her, other coworker I am in charge of likes her and has gotten a yes from her when asking her out but no date yet. Coworker has depression and ended up telling me about his desire for her recently. Doing nothing is not an option as she pursues me. He persues her. Me dating her would likely cause him to meltdown. What to do?
That is a noteworthy thought. He doesn’t cross me as him knowing or catching her interest when we have all interacted with each other at the same time. Generally when people notice that, they start getting defensive and get somewhat possessive. He was just really happy to share the info like he was gossiping with a good friend.
Well I try to stay away from any work relations personally. It sounds like he’s innocent about it more than anything. People usually don’t share that info specifically because of situations like this. I think it’s fine to go for it if you properly like her. I’d ask her to keep it out of work and keep it as a kind of secret relationship at least for the beginning, but he’ll hate you even more for it when he does find out.
It kind of sounds like he’s got puppy dog love going on. I only know a bit about the situation but I feel like she isn’t going to jump in his arms the moment you back off or something. I definitely wouldn’t feel bad about it.
There’s other things to think about. Are you technically her boss too? That might affect the office gossip.
I am not her boss, we are at a similar level in different departments. I don’t have to interact with her at all if I didn’t want to. If I did date her, the odds of it coming out to him are high. It would just be a matter of when. He would likely notice that she didn’t follow through on their date plans.
I would definitely wait to see how their date goes I guess. Tough situation, good luck!
Question is, will there actually be one? I do not know.