Tldr at the bottom.

No real names, sorry. I (28M) am a department lead at my job, Jane (25F) is also in a similar position in another department. John (~23M) is in my department working under me. I am his direct supervisor. I am on good terms with John.

A few weeks ago, Jane has been reaching out to me for casual conversation unprompted and will come get me for any work related cross department needs no matter how minor. I can clearly tell she is interested in me as nobody is that persistent with casual conversation or finding ways to interact if they weren’t. She has told me I am her favorite person to work with even though I barely know her.

Jane is cute and also hilarious, I wouldn’t mind dating her and have considered it if we end up being a good match. So far so good anyway.

Bring in my coworker John. John is an interesting character. Funny guy, good heart, openly a furry, Bisexual leans gay, and rascal like personality. John also has depression and sees a therapist. He openly hates his job even to his own coworkers dissatisfaction. We don’t deal with the best of work, but it still gets old hearing it for everyone. John is also easily distracted to the point of causing issues with his work performance.

I like john, he stresses me out at times but I try to be patient as I know he lives a rough life. He will confide in me often about his issues. Most recently he had a episode to where he got so distracted his partner was doing all the work and the partner snapped at him. I had to talk to both of them, one about his yelling even if justified and John with his lack of focus.

My discussion with John turned out alright, he hates his job and wants to leave but appreciates me. The only reason he stays he tells me is because of his interest in Jane. He has apparently asked her out before and she said she would. Don’t think they have yet. They are friends to my knowledge.

Obviously, I don’t want to touch this problem with a 10 ft pole from a job perspective. I like Jane and I am damn well certain she likes me as well from how she interacts with me and I believe that will interfere with John’s life even if I do nothing. John is a good guy that is teetering on the edge of mental stability and I have no desire to not only break his trust in his mind by going to “steal his girl” after he told me about his desire for her, but also push him over the edge.

I don’t think she is giving up either. So what should I do?

Tldr: cowork likes me, I like her, other coworker I am in charge of likes her and has gotten a yes from her when asking her out but no date yet. Coworker has depression and ended up telling me about his desire for her recently. Doing nothing is not an option as she pursues me. He persues her. Me dating her would likely cause him to meltdown. What to do?

  • Luc@lemmy.world
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    9 hours ago

    I always have trouble with this perspective. Wouldn’t you put your private life before yet another job? It would have to be a very unique dream job before I would put it before a potential life partner

    It has to go so badly wrong for this to become an issue

    1. Firstly, nothing serious might come of it. Stopping to date isn’t an issue then
    2. I’d not get serious with someone who’s not mentally acting like an adult. Working with an ex partner should be fine on a professional level. I don’t need to like every one of my coworkers on a personal level
    3. If we did get serious and then break up and my judgement is off about their ability to act rationally at work, I can find another job. After all, there’s nothing tying me to this place if I don’t live here with a partner

    Especially (as it is here) when you don’t work with each other daily, I’d take the low odds of losing my job for the chance to find a life partner

    Not saying you should as well. I just don’t understand it

      • Hyacin (He/Him)@lemmy.ml
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        6 hours ago

        Virtually every larger company has rules against romantic work relationships.

        This is false.

        They have rules against people dating subordinates, 100%.

          • Hyacin (He/Him)@lemmy.ml
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            4 hours ago

            I’ve been through my share of large ISPs, telecoms and financial institutions in the last 28 years I’ve been working full time and not one of them has had a policy like this. At more than a couple of them it was not uncommon at all to have MANY husbands and wives working for the same company, in the same building, and they met at that company. It was downright shocking to me sometimes to be like “woa, wait, that dude on that other team is married to your SISTER? WHAT?!” Like rabbits just all over each other and very entrenched in each other’s lives. :shrug:

              • Hyacin (He/Him)@lemmy.ml
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                4 hours ago

                We were having a perfectly civil discourse (and I’m not sure where that downvote came from, but it wasn’t me) … I’m sad to see these messages deleted. :-(

                • mr_noxx@lemmy.ml
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                  4 hours ago

                  I agree that our conversation was perfectly civil (which I appreciate). I did delete my posts as I didn’t feel like my opinion was appreciated in this area. No hard feelings whatsoever.