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I realized I had to leave or they were going to kill me. It still took me way too long, in hindsight, but I think the important thing is I actually went through with it, rather than continue to believe them telling me that no one would ever want to be around me and they’re the only one that cares about me. Bullshit. I’m doing a lot better now.
If you don’t mind me asking what helped you the most in moving on?
They attacked me in the middle of the night, beat me up and lied to the police saying I attacked them so I was in jail for 3 days (my case ended up being dismissed by the judge). That was the last straw. I moved in with a friend and it was the distance away from them that made me realize all of it was abuse. Not just the physical abuse but the psychological and emotional abuse too. You can see things a bit clearer if you distance yourself from the abuser.
Yeah, for me it was more the narcissistic behaviour, the type of behaviour that was manipulating and made you feel like shit all the time, and thing is I had to break up with them the same week my father died
Yeah I dealt with that too, as well as the constant projection and gaslighting. My stress was so bad I became chronically physically ill on top of being mentally unwell.
I’m really sorry that happened to you. I hope you are doing better now.
I’m sorry to hear what happened to you, and hope you are better now, and thank you in return.
I’m okayish I’m just struggling to get them out of my head. They was there kinda during my fathers decline in health (he had cancer and got given less than a month a two to live) but at the same time they just treated me like shit too and along with me being in a bad place mentally because of my father I just couldn’t handle it.
Two things pushed me over the edge. The day my father died I called her to tell her and she said she’s sorry to hear the news and all that, but later the same day she messaged me “guess you’re not going to see me today” she basically made me drive two hours after I watched my dad die in front of me to go and see her. Then when she got told she can’t go to the funeral she cried and then played the victim card saying I was upsetting her and not acknowledging that fact.
Give yourself time and space to distance yourself emotionally from it. Delve into something that lets you reestablish your identity and do independent personal growth, then use that regained confidence to find the kind of relationship you want. I just hike exhaustively until I no longer think about them or care what they’re doing, becoming more of a naturalist which helps my self-worth. In that community I can find people with similar politics who make better partners. If you try to rush your recovery from that relationship or turn to self-destruction instead of growth, you just further entrap yourself in the patterns that resulted in the last one.
Great advice, hit the nail on the head like most comments have. thank you for sharing
It took me getting arrested over some bullshit to get me out, then it was just time and therapy.
I can’t recommend a good therapist enough. Mine has helped me untangle lots of things, and I’m still getting better 5 years after the split.
Counselling. Highly recommended
Relationships end for a reason. When you breakup it’s important to always remember why you broke up. It’s easy to only remember the good parts and that is often how people get sucked back in again to the same relationships and the same kinds of people.
Keep remembering what the breaking point was and how you felt at the worst times. Doing that makes it easier for yourself to rationalise why you are not together.
Also total separation is key. No willing contact again ever. If they are gone completely, then it will be easier to move on.
Yeah the good parts is what make it hard to get over such events. But I believe ending the relationship was the best thing to do.
Time, and centering my happiness on things besides another person. Like a rediscovery of personal identity.
This helped, I think most people might find it hard to recover from these things. Me being one of them
