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Being nice to people makes them happy to be around you.
“Langer demonstrated this fact by asking a small favor of people waiting in line to use a library copying machine: “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush?”
The effectiveness of this request-plus-reason was nearly total: Ninety-four percent of those asked let her skip ahead of them in line.
Compare this success rate to the results when she made the request only: “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine?” Under those circumstances, only 60 percent of those asked complied.
At first glance, it appears that the crucial difference between the two requests was the additional information provided by the words “because I’m in a rush.”
But a third type of request tried by Langer showed that this was not the case. It seems that it was not the whole series of words, but the first one, “because,” that made the difference.
Instead of including a real reason for compliance, Langer’s third type of request used the word “because” and then, adding nothing new, merely restated the obvious: “Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make some copies?”
The result was that once again nearly all (93 percent) agreed, even though no real reason, no new information, was added to justify their compliance.”
Excerpt From Influence Robert B. Cialdini, PhD
I managed to skip the entire line at Ohare security screening by just walking past people waiting patiently while I repeated “sorry, plane is boarding, excuse me, boarding, pardon me…” etc. Nobody bothered objecting and got out of the way for me.
My incoming flight was delayed, and immigration took forever, so once it was time to get to my connection the plane had started boarding. After security I had to run, and I got to the gate just in time.
Many of my friends are familiar with this study, and an inside joke of ours is to, when asking for something, end it with “because reasons.”
A good retail one: don’t say “sorry for your wait.” Say “thank you for waiting” or “thank you for being so patient”.
Something to do with… it makes people feel good about themselves if they think they’ve done something for you, which in turn makes them more likely to keep being patient.
I often don’t like it when customer service people say this to me if I have been waiting to resolve an issue that is the company’s fault, because my waiting is barely a choice; the company screwed up and now I am ‘forced’ to spend time getting it resolved.
Only apologize or thank me when it’s personal and sincere. (The size of the business matters a lot in if the apologies or thanks feel genuine.)
I might be in the minority, but it is painfully obvious and pisses me off when companies do this. I’d much rather get an apology than a comment on my own emotional regulation while taking zero accountability. They’re basically saying it’s my fault for being annoyed.
I don’t think a retail manager would appreciate, “Thank you for remaining calm as your car took unexpected damage” over “I’m sorry I hit your car,” so why do they think I’d prefer the former for them making me wait?
Be kind and use people’s names. Also, just asking for stuff.
You’d be amazed how far it will take you just to ask for something, using a person’s name, and being kind about it. Demand something and people will be reluctant to give you a thing.
brygphilomena, can I have your full name, address, social security number, and mother’s maiden name?
Allowing yourself to be wrong. Especially as a male.
Instead of trying to figure out a way to still kind of be correct, you just objectively reconsider the facts.
It made me a better adult. I prefixed a lot of my statements with “I think” or “I believe” to emphasis the possibility for me to be wrong. And I’m more inclined to ask questions. (Which sadly gets a lot of people riled up because they have a hard time believing I’m not doing it sarcastically.)
Try using “to the best of my knowledge”, I find it is indicating that your knowledge is not complete.
But it also indicates you have thought of the situation.
This has been a lifelong habit for me and something I respect and appreciate and think virtuous in others, but I’m starting to think I should train myself out of it. Saying “I think”, or “to the best of my knowledge” frequently seems to broadcast “I’m just guessing at random without thought” or with some people it seems to convey “I’m wrong about…”. It also very often seems to encode “it’s best not to listen to the remaining words of this sentence in case my wrongness is contagious”.
As frustrated as I sound by this, I kind of get it I suppose. I thought I was indicating humility and a willingness to change the opinions or ideas I express if the conversation partner has reason to challenge them, however it seems in many cases it just indicates a lack of confidence in my statements. They perhaps might argue that they never thought I was arrogant or lacking in humility to begin with and of course I could be wrong, but everyone could so specifically bringing it up or alluding to it unnecessarily like that just suggests you’re trying to mask that you have no idea what you’re talking about. I suppose one might also say that the willingness to change your opinion in light of a challenge to it is supposed to be a given so there’s no point trying to show that either. I don’t know if anyone really thinks any of this, but there’s probably something like that operating subconsciously.
It depends on the situation.
If I know I’m correct (I’m a subject matter expert in the field I work in), I generally don’t preface my comments.
But in related fields, where my knowledge is less sure, I do.
It can really get difficult, when someone else is talking out their arse, but sounding confident. There are situations where it is unprofessional, to not correct the course of the conversation.
Good point, but it doesn’t have a natural sounding translation in my language, although I do use “as far as I know”.
Is bothers mehow intelligence is too often percieved as the opposite.
Upvoting posts that really aren’t that great.
Thanks. …hey, wait a minute.
The power of “yes, and …”
Basically when you are being accused of something, or need to shift how someone is perceiving you, instead of saying “yes, but …” You should try 'yes, and…"
Not only does it take the attention away from the negative, but it’s helping in building up new ideas.
Lawyers hate this one trick.
Improv artists love this one trick
Something niche to my field (custom furniture and woodworking) is that RAISING prices can increase sales. Wealthy clientele want both a piece that is quality, but also something “worthy” of gracing their home.
A mentor of mine had beautiful, handmade pieces for 600$. He was still in his “starving artist” phase and kept slashing prices to make some money back. He had lunch with a friend who was a painter. he discussed the amount of time (30 hours) and materials that went into these pieces and they weren’t selling for even 600$. She immediately told him he was insane and to jack up prices. He told all the stores he was showcasing in to raise the prices from 600$ to 3000$. He sold ALL 10 of them in 3 months.
Pricing is a careful balance of charging what is fair, and what the client expects to pay. If you are building a dining table for a client that has $500k worth of art and paintings covering the walls, he is expecting to pay in excess of $50,000. If you quote him $10,000, hes gonna get cold feet and go to someone else charging more.
Same phenomenon in this video. Banksy selling pieces for 60$ on the street and barely sells any. His pieces usually sell for $20k
People are HIGHLY class oriented and kind of stupid. The price is not the piece but what it says. They want a piece that says “I’m rich as fuck”.
The soctatic method. It forces people to actually think about their position in an argument
People just want to be accepted and loved. Use this knowledge to get almost anyone to do what you want.
Observe their body language. Do they cross their arms a lot? How much eye contact do they make? Do they shift around when talking? Do their eyes dart around the room?
All these are clues about their personality and disposition and you can tailor your communication to them depending on how receptive they are. Do they laugh easily? What makes them laugh? Do they talk a lot? Do they talk about themselves?
Finding out to what degree of extrovert/introvert they are can go a long way into successfully manipulating anyone around you to do what you want.
It’s how I’ve made friends and how I’ve dated women with variable rates of success.
If you’re walking towards someone on the street and you want to avoid the whole “I’m going left you’re going right” dance - DO NOT make eye contact with them and glance toward the way you intend to go. They will automatically go the other way and you won’t bump into anyone ever again
Now playing The Verve - Bitter Sweet Symphony
this also works for navigating large crowds! you look slightly down and the direction you want to go and watch entire crowds part for you. some people will be oblivious and you may have to walk around them, but for the most part, people being able to subconsciously see where you want to go will make them move out of that way for you.
Typically people of driving age move to the side of the road they drive on, ( in that country) in a pedestrian situation.
Where it falls down is tourists in your city when e.g. you are from US and they are from UK etc.
Not a specific one, but Cialdini’s book the principles of persuasion, is probably the best book on psychology, and it’s centered on a short list of these “tricks” that cause an automatic “click-whirr” response in humans.
Procrastination.
Which kind of “best” is your “best”?
