Yes, they accuse me of “overthinking” things a lot in general. But they don’t realize that I have to do this in order to try to do things more correctly. Lack of enough thought is what gets me into these kinds of situations, you know?

I’m definitely not imagining most of these. If everyone is happily smiling and chatting away, and then I make a mistake which causes a sudden change in facial expression, curt response, and the sudden end of a flowing conversation, then it’s not my imagination.

Coworker 3 is the most lenient/forgiving of them, but issues still arise with them too.

No, I don’t currently pause between each sentence. Usually conversation flows quite smoothly. But it flows until I make a grave error and then it shuts down catastrophically. My question was saying “how can I think before I speak” because pausing after each sentence would be incredibly jarring and not work with conversational flow if that makes sense.

Coworker 3 has occasionally asked that out of genuine concern when I have been having a bad time. But it’s a trick question because I’m not supposed to respond that I am having a bad time. It is the incorrect response and will make them upset, even if they tell me that I can be honest. It’s very confusing because coworker 3 will occasionally tell me that it’s ok to come to them with things, but the reality is that isn’t true. If I do that, it makes them upset. So one of the biggest things is that I have worked to not tell coworker 3 when something is bothering me and not share feelings like this with them. But it is confusing when they do things that indicate that it’s ok and welcomed for me to do so when it isn’t. They say one thing but I am supposed to act in a way that is discordant with what they indicate, which is confusing.

And sometimes coworker 3 likes to discuss serious topics. So I sometimes accidentally say something about the topic with too much emotion in my voice or something or the wrong statement in general and then I fuck up the whole thing.

I get that I am truly a horrible person, truly. I struggle with that every day. I did try to apologize to my coworker in that instance, but they were not at all receptive to it. Usually the things that I say that get reactions like that are much more innocuous…like letting coworker 2 know that they can leave early (we are salaried and still get a full days pay if we leave early). Or apologizing to coworker 2 that I was freaking out about a work related task simply because I was anxious about it.

But no, coworker 1 is on a level that is difficult for me to describe. Coworker 1 causes issues with almost everyone they come in contact with including the leaders of many different departments. It has been so bad with coworker 1 that they have made me think that I was going to get fired and/or made me want to quit my job. Coworker 1 has had multiple complaints filed against them to HR by multiple different people. To my knowledge, that has not occurred on my end at all.

So coworker 1 is a bit dangerous to interact with, hence many of us do so minimally.

I can’t tell if this is sarcastic or genuine.

I apologize if anything came off as sarcastic! I am being very serious in my questions. I don’t really understand how any of this works. I have been reading the replies but it’s tricky to respond to them all.

With the friend thing, there are a lot of philosophies people have about work. Some people believe I shouldn’t speak and should only work all day, while others seem to prefer to chat once in a while. For me, it’s difficult for me to know the most correct way to act in terms of these two philosophies. It seems like a lot of society would like the former…that I should speak minimally and just do my work. I struggle with the former philosophy because you spend most of your waking hours working, so I would like to get some enjoyment out of it. But that is wrong, no? I am supposed to hate my job and just be a good worker bee, no? It’s tricky because humans are social creatures but I know I’m not supposed to feed my needs like that.

And like the person who I had considered to be a friend. They have a busy life outside of work so it’s wrong to bother them, correct?

The person who I had considered to be a friend sometimes likes to talk about serious topics. But I am not really sure what to do when that comes up because I at times give the wrong answers. I know a lot about their beliefs. We have different ones and usually that’s perfectly ok and I we don’t really argue or anything. But sometimes I still do it wrong or say something with too much emotion in my voice or something.

If someone is full of shit at work, I’d just nod and smile. Unless there’s something to be gained by calling them out, I’d just note that they are uninformed on that topic and move on.

They weren’t actually full of shit…they are just super fit and don’t realize that they are a bit outside the norm.

So one of the things I’ve noticed is that I slipped up like this because it was in the middle of a flowing conversation. I didn’t stop to realize that I was about to say the wrong thing because we were having a lot of back and forth lighthearted chatting. That’s why I’ve brought up this topic to begin with tbh. If I am not in a flowing conversation, it’s easier for me to pause and think before a response. When I am in a conversation I fuck up. I don’t know anyone who pauses between each sentence even utilizing this “think before you speak” attitude, so I’d like to find out how to implement it in a better way. Idk.

I do appreciate your time.

They just get upset with me if I do that unfortunately. I’m never supposed to talk to them about things when I make them upset.

I had my bouts where I tried a lot of therapy. Therapists weren’t overly helpful to me but were good at quickly draining my bank account. Many of them would say “oh there’s nothing wrong if you do XYZ in a social context” and I would try to explain why it is wrong, similar to how I’ve demonstrated to you guys.

No, I fuck up even in small talk. For example, we were talking about supplements and exercising one day.

Coworker 2: Yeah, running a 10 minute mile is easy. Anyone can do it.

Me (a slow runner): What??? Idk dude that is kind of hard for me.

Coworker 2: Well for some people walking is healthier than running!

Me: What??? Ok sure, Coworker 2

Coworker 2: (angrily shuts down and refuses to say anything else to me for several hours even after I apologize)

Coworker 2 being angry with me was one thing. But I felt bad because coworker 3 was also chatting and it meant that they no longer got to speak either because coworker 2 was so mad.

Small talk with coworker 1 doesn’t work at all because they will randomly randomly act condescending to you when you make a joke or say something that doesn’t land exactly with them. It’s a bit demoralizing so I try to interact with coworker 1 the least.

I don’t outright tell coworkers 1 and 2 that I am anxious. But I will sometimes obsess over certain work things that I am anxious about and they get wise to it and get upset with me…even if what I am specifically doing to them is apologizing for acting weird because I was simply anxious.

I had considered coworker 3 to be my friend a bit tbh. But that is not supposed to be the case, right? We are not supposed to be friends or anything. I am supposed to find friends elsewhere and not think of them that way, right?

If people want to discuss serious topics with me then I’m just not supposed to contribute, right??

Wut

Why don’t you talk to him about it? You guys are both obviously close already.

I will say…it’s ok if you don’t want to identify as gay or bisexual. But you clearly like doing these things with him already. I’m not saying that this means you should start identifying a different way than you want to. But what I am saying is that maybe you might like doing that with him as well. And it would be ok if you ended up liking it. It would also be ok if you didn’t end up liking it. Everyone is different.

But yeah I think you should have a conversation about it.

I just end up with water droplet “stains” on my lenses like that, obscruing my lenses until I physically wipe them with something.

There is a nerve that runs along that part of your elbow called the ulnar nerve. It gives sensation to your pinkie finger and a part of your ring finger. It runs along the “backside” of your elbow. So bashing your elbow in that area sometimes compresses your nerve there and causes pain/weird sensations in that area. You’re directly smashing/compressing the nerve when that happens.

The sensations to the rest of your fingers are from different nerves. One of the other main ones is called the median nerve. It does run along your arm as well, but in a pathway that is not as exposed at the elbow like your ulnar nerve is. It runs along your “elbow pit” area, so bashing your elbow doesn’t affect it at all.

But the median nerve is commonly compressed at the wrist. This happens in carpal tunnel syndrome, where you can get pain/tingling/weird sensations in your remaining fingers.

Other nerves can be compressed in other ways, but the above two are probably among the most common.

Check out this image of what nerve supplies sensations in any given area of the arm/hand:

https://m.instantanatomy.net/diagrams/arm061.png

Here is an image that shows where the main nerves run along the elbow. This view is looking at the “elbow pit” head on. The backside of the elbow is essentially behind this image if that makes sense.

https://lemmy.world/pictrs/image/93de5fe2-a798-435e-beff-fbc42897d839.png

Anatomy stuff is pretty cool, imo. I guess I’m a bit of a dork for stuff like that.

I am embarrassed by nearly everything for sort of unknown reasons.

Sometimes people ask me what I had for lunch in order to make casual conversation and I have a hard time responding.

Even today, my coworker told me some theory she has on a show we were watching and I wasn’t able to really respond much, despite being able to endlessly talk about shows via text with strangers online.

Seriously…like Jesus what the fuck even is that rejection line??? I’ve been rejected from tons and tons of jobs and never gotten a rejection line like that. Ridiculous.

I 100% agree though. It’s ok to be upset about things sometimes.

How can you watch Futurama for any length of time and not think he’s incredibly self centered and narcissistic lol

Anyway…to the OP…a character that vibes towards that for my is Shawn from Psych. Not to the degree of having NPD, but there is definitely a lot of narcissism there.

I’m sorry that I don’t have anything to add, but I just wanted to say that this is a fantastic post. Generational fighting has always greatly bothered me. The young people complain about the old people and the old people complain about the young people. Each generation feels superior to one another for bullshit reasons. Even some of my fellow millennial coworkers look down on gen z and whatever the one after it is (alpha?). I’m quite frankly sick of it.

This is only tangentially related, but I just wanted to share a random anecdote.

I ordered a mobile pickup order at my local Taco Bell with their app. Since it’s nearby, I walked there and I had selected in store pickup. I walked inside and waited for a few moments. The manager comes out and this interaction happens.

Manager: “Inside was supposed to be closed. Idk who unlocked the door but you have to go through the drive through”

Me: “Oh uhh I already paid for an in store pickup through the app.”

Manager: “You have to go through the drive through.”

Me: “Uhhh…can I walk through the drive through? I walked here.”

The manager looks at me in total disbelief that someone would do that. “You don’t have a car???”

Me: “I mean I just walked here.”

Manager: “Ok hold on I’ll get your order.”

Lol. She looked at me like she had never heard of anyone walking some place to get some food lol. Granted I live literally a 5 minute walk from there which is probably not really the norm.

My supervisor is a bit of a bully at times, but it’s not so direct and frequent that I have much of a case for HR, unfortunately. Especially because I often act irrationally with her specifically when my buttons are pushed. If I was a better employee in terms of interpersonal relationships, I could potentially build more of a “case” against her. As it stands, she has plenty of “evidence” to get me fired if I spoke up.

In that particular instance, there was a miscommunication about the lunch schedule. My friend did something to attempt to be helpful, but there was some confusion and it did not go over as intended. My supervisor accused my friend of having a “conspiracy theory” about the lunch schedule, then proceded to lecture her about how much “time was wasted” in the confusion.

My supervisor actually often makes valid points. She just acts like a condescending bitch when she does so.

Recently, my supervisor at work was berating my friend over something ridiculous. I was standing 2 feet away when it occurred. I was surprised at how it oddly put me back into my childhood, reminding me of when my dad would scream at my mom and I was powerless to stop it. I ended up blubbering some nonsense to try to distract my supervisor, but it didn’t really work. It’s frustrating to not be able to protect those you care about. I guess it’s in my nature to want to fiercely defend the people who I am loyal to, but I also don’t have a way to do it without getting myself or the person I am defending in trouble.

As a kid, I would always flip on the TV for the evening episode of the Simpsons too haha! Except I swear for me it was 5pm.

Only women go on road trips. Duh.