I bought a new pocket knife when I was 16 and immediately started testing it out by slashing at the Bouganvillieas in the garden. I followed through too hard and slashed the thum on the other hand,took out a scallop the size of a 5c piece, but not all the way. Got it stitched back up but I still have tingling there to this day.

Socrates was executed for being super annoying.

I bet he never has to check his bank balance before he goes to the grocery store.

Is “legal aid” the codename for the field-expedient MRAPs we build and man to spring him from prison? If so then yes.

On a golf course putting green.

I was drunk as a skunk.

I climbed the fence and then I took the big ball markers that mark the tee of each hole, and I stabbed the stabby part into a tree until one tree had all the markers stabbed into it.

Then I went to sleep.

Not super proud of that