Cousin had a 1.5h hellfire and brimstone service with an altar call in an unairconditioned church on a weekday afternoon on the Midwest prairie on a hot August day 120 miles (~192km) away from my house.

Weak perkolator coffee, grocery store sheet cake, and bite-size sandwiches (limit 2) served in the basement afterwards.

We were asked to clean up after ourselves and break down the tables and chairs after 30 min. Church doors were locked and we were ushered out after another 30min.

Last cousin wedding I went to.

The ones bombed by US

Christian Orthodox wedding for my best friend’s ex girlfriend who was marrying a guy with the same name as my friend. It was a two hour ceremony. Lots of begatting. One of the groomsmen locked his knees, fainted, fell over, woke up and barfed. The priest didn’t stop talking while all of this was happening.

We learned at the reception that it was a dry wedding. The food was good, but we left as soon as possible because it was in the basement of a church, they didn’t turn the fluorescent lights on in the half that didn’t have tables, and the average age of the people there was hovering in the 60s. The bride and groom were 21.

When we finally left, we stopped at the first liquor store, which also happened to be a combination liquor store/gun store with a drive-through for both. We got as many types of bourbon as we could afford, went to our hotel, sampled much of it and then needed real dinner, so we were responsible adults and walked to the nearest restaurant, Burger King. Only the drive through was open, and it wasn’t busy, so we walked in formation through the drive through, and were told that we couldn’t do that. We went to Waffle House instead.

At least it was entertaining, but that couple is going to go to a lot of weddings where they think to themselves “wow, ours could have gone better”.