Cont’d:

Anyway, after that, Kash somehow ended up failing upward to the National Security Council, and he was rubbing his butthole on that office when Trump was trying to do his drug deal with Ukraine. One of the amazing things that came out during that scandal is that Kash somehow convinced Trump that he was the NSC’s Ukraine expert. Yes, Kash Patel. Now that you know what his face looks like, how Bitchy Pissy Rubber Baby Buggy Bumpers he gets at the slightest provocation, how over-sensitive he is, how milquetoast — see: every testimony to Congress — it’s so much funnier.

The real Ukraine expert in the White House was, of course, impeachment witness Lt. Col. Alexander Vindman. But Trump thought Kash was the Ukraine expert, because Kash reportedly fooled him into thinking so, to the point that Trump called him his “Ukraine director” at the NSC. Yep, still talking bout the same Kash Patel we all know and love now.

The White House didn’t correct Trump’s error, because we guess the White House didn’t want to hurt Donald Trump’s brain with new information. Reportedly, Trump 1.0 White House Russia expert Fiona Hill delivered a message from John Bolton unto Vindman — the real Ukraine expert — to stay out of a key debriefing on Ukraine after Volodymyr Zelenskyy’s inauguration in 2019, because they didn’t want Trump’s brain to have a confusey explodey moment. And Patel was whispering alllllll kinds of absolute bullshit about “Ukraine is the real Russia!” into Trump’s ear and feeding him Christ knows what kinds of documents on Ukraine, which worked because, well, um, Donald Trump is fucking stupid. (*Also likely still compromised if we had to guess, not that anybody seems to have time to talk about that these days.)

Politico reminds us that Vindman “testified that he was told Patel had been circumventing normal NSC process to get negative material about Ukraine in front of the president, feeding Trump’s belief that Ukraine was brimming with corruption and had interfered in the 2016 election on behalf of Democrats.”

It’s all so unbelievable, again, especially moreso now that we all really are deeply acquainted with Kash Patel’s weird face and obvious shortcomings now. Go back and read all those links if you want a horrifying refresher.

So, you know, it’s totally cool that Kash is going to Russia in the fall for fuck if anybody knows why.

Oh yeah, and then there was this, from the Politico article reporting on Kash’s Russia trip:

Patel spent the years between Trump’s terms amplifying doubts about the Russia probe’s origins and even writing children’s books that mock Democrats who spearheaded the investigation. He also faced questions about a $25,000 payment for his involvement in producing a film financed by a Kremlin-linked film company.

Yes, Kash’s weird Russian filmmaker friend Igor Lopatanok, who is reportedly extremely close to Vladimir Putin, who’s known for spreading bullshit propaganda that sends a thrill up the Kremlin’s leg. The Washington Post refreshes us:

The payment to Patel came as he participated in a documentary that Lopatonok produced depicting Patel and other veterans of the first Trump administration as victims of a conspiracy that “destroyed the lives of those who stood by Donald Trump in an attempt to remove the democratically elected president from office.”

The six-part series, titled “All the President’s Men: The Conspiracy Against Trump,” aired in November on right-wing broadcaster Tucker Carlson’s online network. In one segment, Patel vowed to “shut down the FBI headquarters building and open it up as a museum to the ‘deep state.’”

Totally cool. We’re sure there’s nothing untoward about that relationship, not in the slightest. Maybe Kash and his buddy can meet up in Moscow or St. Petersburg and do shots out of each other’s taint canyons or whatever. (Virgin shots, obviously!)

Oh huh, it just occurred to us that Kash’s trip is happening just before the US midterms, which the Trump regime is actively trying to steal, and if we were a conspiracy theorist we might wonder if Trump is trying to make vague accusations against China to cover up that his old pals in Moscow are giving him the old 2016 reacharound all over again.